Earth, Using the World Around Us to Better Understand Ourselves

“ quote pulled from the blog”

 

 
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Introduction to earth. Nature as a reflection for ourselves. How we can use nature as a framing for our everyday lives. How it is important to switch up our environment to gain perspective. Ebbing and flowing of rivers, strength of mountains, roots in trees, delicacy in flowers.

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Tara Daylami

Plagued by the kind of sensitivity (and awareness!) you almost wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy, I spent most of my childhood in a state of hyper-vigilance and inability to handle to slightest of criticisms. By my teenage years, this sensitivity had successfully matured to a full-blown rage which nothing -- and I mean NOTHING -- could console until, at 16, I was FINALLY introduced to illicit drugs (the likes of cocaine and ecstasy -- and, if you like, house music) which finally began to ameliorate what by this point could only be described as ACUTE PSYCHIC PAIN. But the story doesn't end there. I continued on. With hallucinogenics. With relationships. With theft. With alcohol. With lies and deceit and betrayal and infidelity for another 10 years. In the meantime, I graduated college (on time) and worked full time. I even met and got engaged to an amazing guy. But absolutely nothing could touch the emptiness I felt inside. And so I did what most people who can hardly stand to be in their own skin do: I sabotaged. I destroyed anything and everything that "threatened" to come close. That threatened to love me. Nothing terrified me more than being "found out" for who I really believed I was inside. Empty. Hollow. While, simultaneously, nothing terrified be more that the thought that no one ever would find out.

Oh and throughout all this, I might mention, I also returned to school to pursue none other that a career as a psychotherapist. It was as illogical then as it probably sounds to you now. But I can tell you this. That decision was made (with the help of my then fiancé) in 2003, and as I (metaphorically) sit before you today, I can hardly recognize that girl. Sure, our Soul may be eternal and never-changing, but for all practical purposes, who I was and the way I showed up in the world in virtually no way resembles the person I am today. I spent my 20s effectively destroying almost everything that crossed my path. And I spent most of my 30's trying to scrape off the last residue of guilt that the previous decade left on my soul. I would be lying to you if I said it hasn't been painful. Because it has. BUT! The thing about it is that everything is different now. All the work I have done over the last several decades. Because -- despite being a spinning ball of chaos for the first 35 years of my life -- I have ALWAYS KNOWN deep down inside that I was destined for more. A LOT MORE. And the thought of that terrified me as well.